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| Me. Laughing. Weird, I know. |
I will not be reminiscing about the last 5 months in this blog. There would be too much to say. I would get tired of typing and you would get tired of reading. So for both our sakes, I will move on.
But looking at the next chunk of school that lies ahead of me, here's what I'm looking forward to:
1) Dreaming with God.
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| Who wouldn't want to be friends with me? |
I was sitting in worship the other day at school and I heard these little kids from Bethel Christian School playing out in the hall. They were laughing and yelling. Whatever they were doing sounded like a whole lot of fun. And as I was listening I got this burning desire to go play with them. I wanted to be apart of whatever it was they were doing. And I had this thought "God, I think it would be so much fun to be a kindergarten teacher." And this thought was shocking because (fun fact about Mischa!!) I don't really like little kids. I have hard time with them. You can't rationally talk to them. I know, teenagers aren't always that different. But for whatever reason, I can handle teenage-irrational being better than child-irrational being. Hopefully that makes sense. But a little later that night, that desire was still in my heart. And it's still there right now. I don't know what that's about but it's cool what kinds of dreams God will give you when you have a surrendered heart. And I think that's why worship was the perfect time to give me that thought. Because right then at that moment all of my defenses were down, all of my insecurities had melted away and my heart was totally God's. And it was the perfect time for Him to change my heart and give me a new dream. Now, I don't know if that means I'm going to be a kindergarten teacher someday, but it's just one of the more recent dreams I've discovered in my heart.
I love that He does that. I love that the more I learn about Him, the more I learn about myself. And the more I do that, the more I discover what I want, what I love, what makes my heart burn, etc. I love dreaming with God. Because when I do that, I feel like a little kid and anything is possible.
2) Confidence and Boldness.
Now that we have spent the last 4 months of school going through a lot of inner healing and figuring out our identities, I'm excited to walk those things out in confidence and boldness. I don't necessarily feel a boldness yet but I do feel an extraordinary sense of confidence in myself and in God that I haven't ever felt before.
3) Trusting God. I mean, REALLY trusting God.
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| My roommates. We're funny :) |
So... I don't have a job. I know that isn't going to surprise anyone. What may surprise some people is that up until the last 3 weeks, I haven't been looking for one. I was looking for a job the first month I was here but after not finding one I finally decided to ask God about that! And He told me to rest and that He wanted me to trust Him to take care of me. So I said yes. Because I came to Bethel to start saying "yes" to God no matter how crazy what He says may sound. And that has led me to trust that He will pay my bills. I don't want anyone thinking that this has been a perfect and peace filled process. Because it hasn't been. I have been filled with anxiety and doubt at times. But He always provides. I have enough food to eat and my rent is paid every month.
Last month I was really struggling. I was kind of mad at myself because I thought that by now I should KNOW that God will provide. But I couldn't shake my anxiety. I figured out that my anxiety wasn't about whether He would do what He said or not. It was about my complete lack of control in the process. I do not have the means to take care of myself right now. I have no back-up plan. Which is terrifying but cool. Every month I receive a miracle. How cool is that? So for the next few months, what I'm shooting for is trusting God minus the anxiety. That's the goal. Peace filled, doubtless trust.
4) And lastly, but certainly not least... COMING HOME!!!! :)
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| Thea and I at Bethel. Max is doing something funny apparently. |
I am looking forward to coming home somewhere around May 15th. I have the most peace about finding a job or two at home and staying in TC for the summer. I SERIOUSLY cannot wait. I'm so excited to see you all. I can't wait to spend the lovely Traverse City summer with you all! I am praying that I will be able to find a job or two at home before I arrive back in Michigan. Please keep that in your prayers and if you hear of anything (nannying, restaurant, retail, etc.) PLEASE let me know!!! I'm not sure how to secure a job at home when I won't be able to interview for it but I'm confident that God will work it out. Because He loves me a WHOLE lot! :)
I love you so much. And I miss you more than I could say. So I hope you enjoyed this blog!
Blessings and a ton of love,
Mischa
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| I am SO blessed by the four people around me. |
I am so happy to see how he is transforming you. I know exactly what you mean. I have grown so much in my trust of God since you were here, and my seeking him has paid off. I have spent months riddled with anxiety and fear and doubt in one major area of my life. And he revealed to me that I was putting someone before him and made me confront that head on. I spent every moment I could in prayer and tears, trying to figure out what he wanted me to do. After some intense reflection and prayer I knew that the only way I could move forward with God was if I stopped moving forward with this person I loved. That relationship was a direct conflict to my spiritual growth. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but with his grace, I did it. And since then he has expanded my heart exponentially and my desire for him. As I look back I am so grateful. I can see that situation through his eyes and see how damaging it was to me. I know I will never be complete; the more he reveals to me, the more I see in myself that can be changed to be like him. But I have come so far and healed so much, he rewards so heavily for such little effort. I rejoice with you in your accomplishments through him and will continue to pray for him to bring his peace into the process.
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