It's not GOODBYE, it's just goodbye... right?

OH MY GOODNESS...

So as many of you know, I will be home in 10 days. That's right people 10 measly little days and you will be seeing this face again:


Best news you've EVER heard right??? :)

Anyway, I feel like I actually had some important things to share! Like, never leave half a cake on top of someone's car and then drive away. Or make sure you really are familiar with the perimeter of your pool BEFORE you confidently stroll out there in the dark lest you stroll directly into the aforementioned pool (that didn't happen to me but to a friend of mine. Still funny). These are just some of the little nuggets of wisdom I have learned this year. You're welcome...

For real though, I am so excited to see you all BUT I am so sad/scared/shocked that I'm leaving Redding. This year has been absolutely incredible. I am a different person. A completely different person. I have learned so much and developed so many amazing relationships and just really LIVED out here. And I don't mean I did a bunch of exciting, mind-blowing, death-defying things. I am still practical me after all but I guess moving out here in the first place was my exciting, mind-blowing, death-defying act. I may have seemed cool and confident on the outside but let me tell you I have never been more scared in my life than on that plane ride from Chicago to San Francisco on August 17th, 2011. That was a LONG 5 hours.

But I am so glad that I did this. I do not regret this last 9 months at all. That reminds me, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has financially supported me, prayed for me, listened to me cry over the phone, put up with my doubts and insecurities, etc. A lot of people in my class came out here with no support system at home. They moved out here hoping to make lifelong friendships and connections. I came here WITH all of that. I have the BEST cheerleaders anyone could ever hope for. Thank you for being people I can come home to. Even though I do not have a job yet (I stress YET) and my living situation is a bit less than concrete, I can't wait to come home. And it's all because of Y-O-U. Words cannot express how much I love you. All I can do is cry when I think about each of you. Yes, I really do cry. Ah! Moving on before I start crying right now... :)

I am not afraid to admit that making the decision to come home was a bit of a challenge for me. While I do love you all, I have that fear of maybe I've changed too much and I won't fit in anymore? God has blessed me with a great life here. I have awesome friends who have physically seen me go through this process all year long (shout out to Fawn Bauer. My amazing and gorgeous roommate who has put up with me and loved me through even the hardest and most ridiculous of events this year. I'm keeping you no matter where we move. I don't know what I would have done this year without you. Probably would have died... I don't know. I love you, Fawn), I have a nice house with a pool and a chicken, and once most of the Bethel students leave for the summer it is a piece of cake to find a job around here. I could very easily stay and continue down the path my life is on. I would have a clear direction (2nd year at BSSM), I could get plugged into a youth group here, I could continue building relationships that I've started this year. It would all be very clear and mapped out. That would make it easy to stay.

But, my story with God doesn't work that way. When Mischa get's comfortable and things start to seem easy she stops needing God. Because she knows what to do. She knows how to fix things. She can do it all by her independent, stubborn, little self thank you very much. And that is the very thing that would kill everything God has done in my life this year. See, I have been pondering the reasons that God may have brought me out here a lot in the last couple of weeks. Mostly because I want something clear and concise to say to everyone when I get home. And a little bit because 9 months later, I'm still not sure. And one of the biggest things I've noticed is that this whole year has been God helping me understand that I need Him.

 I remember the night I chose Him. But what I never realized was how freakin' lost and miserable I was before I met Him. See, Jesus loves me enough to let me think for a little bit that I chose Him and that's why we have a relationship but what I see now is I NEED HIM. The night that I met God it felt like I was coming home. It's like, my whole life I had been kidnapped and held prisoner and then miraculously in less than a second everything changed because He rescued me from the emptiness and confusion that had been my reality.

So what I have come to see this year is that my world doesn't make sense without God. And He knew that. He knew that all along. He knew that if I would depend on Him and put all of my faith, hope, and trust in Him that my life would make sense. That I would have everything I've ever needed and everything I never knew I wanted. And my life may look foolish to the world but I have never been happier, more confident, or more at peace in my whole life. I have never felt more hopeful about my future. It has never seemed brighter. I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with my life but I know what God has made my heart to burn for and I know what makes me come alive and I know that my Jesus will be with me every single step of the way. To hold my hand when I'm scared, to remind me of who He says I am when I doubt, to love me in such a way that sets me free to conquer the world. How can life not seem like an exciting adventure when you have that??? When you have Him???

With all of that being said, I have in fact made the decision to come back to Michigan!! It is my hope that by the end of May I will have found a job in Grand Rapids and be living there but I'm open to God showing up and changing that plan. I'm open to life not looking the way I thought it would. Which is big and entirely new for me. Feel free to applaud or do a happy a dance or roll your eyes... now! :) My adventure in Redding has been amazing but I think it is time for Jesus and I to find a new adventure! I love you all. I can't wait to see you and to sit down and look at you and ask you how you are and what your life has looked like for the last 9 months. I want to hear about the adventures that you and Jesus have been exploring. So be ready with your answers people! :) You have 10 days! Ready... go!!

I made it!!!

5 months ago today (or maybe tomorrow, I can't remember) I got on a plane in Grand Rapids, Michigan without a return flight and moved to Redding, California to attend Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. And what an adventure the last 5 months has been! 

Me. Laughing. Weird, I know.

I will not be reminiscing about the last 5 months in this blog. There would be too much to say. I would get tired of typing and you would get tired of reading. So for both our sakes, I will move on.

But looking at the next chunk of school that lies ahead of me, here's what I'm looking forward to:

1) Dreaming with God.

Who wouldn't want to be friends with me?

I was sitting in worship the other day at school and I heard these little kids from Bethel Christian School playing out in the hall. They were laughing and yelling. Whatever they were doing sounded like a whole lot of fun. And as I was listening I got this burning desire to go play with them. I wanted to be apart of whatever it was they were doing. And I had this thought "God, I think it would be so much fun to be a kindergarten teacher." And this thought was shocking because (fun fact about Mischa!!) I don't really like little kids. I have hard time with them. You can't rationally talk to them. I know, teenagers aren't always that different. But for whatever reason, I can handle teenage-irrational being better than child-irrational being. Hopefully that makes sense. But a little later that night, that desire was still in my heart. And it's still there right now. I don't know what that's about but it's cool what kinds of dreams God will give you when you have a surrendered heart. And I think that's why worship was the perfect time to give me that thought. Because right then at that moment all of my defenses were down, all of my insecurities had melted away and my heart was totally God's. And it was the perfect time for Him to change my heart and give me a new dream. Now, I don't know if that means I'm going to be a kindergarten teacher someday, but it's just one of the more recent dreams I've discovered in my heart. 

I love that He does that. I love that the more I learn about Him, the more I learn about myself. And the more I do that, the more I discover what I want, what I love, what makes my heart burn, etc. I love dreaming with God. Because when I do that, I feel like a little kid and anything is possible. 

2) Confidence and Boldness.

Now that we have spent the last 4 months of school going through a lot of inner healing and figuring out our identities, I'm excited to walk those things out in confidence and boldness. I don't necessarily feel a boldness yet but I do feel an extraordinary sense of confidence in myself and in God that I haven't ever felt before. 

3) Trusting God. I mean, REALLY trusting God.

My roommates. We're funny :)

So... I don't have a job. I know that isn't going to surprise anyone. What may surprise some people is that up until the last 3 weeks, I haven't been looking for one. I was looking for a job the first month I was here but after not finding one I finally decided to ask God about that! And He told me to rest and that He wanted me to trust Him to take care of me. So I said yes. Because I came to Bethel to start saying "yes" to God no matter how crazy what He says may sound. And that has led me to trust that He will pay my bills. I don't want anyone thinking that this has been a perfect and peace filled process. Because it hasn't been. I have been filled with anxiety and doubt at times. But He always provides. I have enough food to eat and my rent is paid every month. 

Last month I was really struggling. I was kind of mad at myself because I thought that by now I should KNOW that God will provide. But I couldn't shake my anxiety. I figured out that my anxiety wasn't about whether He would do what He said or not. It was about my complete lack of control in the process. I do not have the means to take care of myself right now. I have no back-up plan. Which is terrifying but cool. Every month I receive a miracle. How cool is that? So for the next few months, what I'm shooting for is trusting God minus the anxiety. That's the goal. Peace filled, doubtless trust.

4) And lastly, but certainly not least... COMING HOME!!!! :)

Thea and I at Bethel. Max is doing something funny apparently.  

I am looking forward to coming home somewhere around May 15th. I have the most peace about finding a job or two at home and staying in TC for the summer. I SERIOUSLY cannot wait. I'm so excited to see you all. I can't wait to spend the lovely Traverse City summer with you all! I am praying that I will be able to find a job or two at home before I arrive back in Michigan. Please keep that in your prayers and if you hear of anything (nannying, restaurant, retail, etc.) PLEASE let me know!!! I'm not sure how to secure a job at home when I won't be able to interview for it but I'm confident that God will work it out. Because He loves me a WHOLE lot! :) 

I love you so much. And I miss you more than I could say. So I hope you enjoyed this blog!

Blessings and a ton of love,

Mischa

I am SO blessed by the four people around me.